I’m never short on the theatrics or the exaggerations. But you obviously read my blog, so you know this.
I could get a paper cut and start screaming and claiming I’ve been stabbed.
Or when I talk about how long Big S and I have been together I usually claim “Since Kindergarten.” or, “We started dating back when Lincoln was shot.” (Thank goodness I had him, 1865 was a hard year and I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without him.)
And I kind of thought I may have been exaggerating when I updated on the Insanity workout I was going to be starting a few weeks ago. And surprisingly, it turns out I was.
Now, I’d be lying if I claimed it didn’t suck.
It sucks SO BAD.
But I’m also the type of person who enjoys feeling like I’m going to die when I workout, because then when I DON’T die, I feel awesome.
I guess I thought I’d not even be able to do the workouts, and just end up on the couch watching them workout with a box of chocolate.
But I can. And I do them better than Big S.
And yes, I’m bragging.
Day 1 was the fitness test. Big S and I had pretty similar scores. Except mine were better, which is definitely notable and should be kept on record forever for all to see that I am a better athlete than my husband.
Anyway, it was only a 26 minute test.
Day 2 was the first real workout. And just putting in the DVD I cringed. I mean the workout is called Plyometric Cardio Circuit. Which sounds menacing. And it was. It was about 42 minutes long and every minute of it was awful. Even during the water breaks. But I only considered quitting and drinking wine instead, like, 26 times. Not bad, right?
But when we finished we both felt so amazing and accomplished. And slightly drunk from the endorphins.
I told Big S: “I feel like I’ve had like 2 glasses of wine already, but I haven’t. I actually kind of feel like this after I run like, 3 or 4 miles. Or when Rae is nursing (Nursing releases oxytocin, which makes you super calm. I’m a doctor.).”
“So….you feel like this pretty much all the time?”
Day 3 was Cardio Power and Resistance. And I had both kiddos with me. Rae was asleep in the swing and I plopped Little S in the pack and play and turned on Big Block Singsong. But instead of watching Big Block, he watched me and laughed while I did my V push-ups, globe jumps, power squats, walking push-ups, and log jumps (just to name a few).
Yeah, he LAUGHED at me.
Like, really kid? You poop in your pants.
You’re going to laugh at ME?
But the workout wasn’t too bad. I mean, yes, during the workout I want to die. But it’s only 40 minutes long and it’s super helpful that all the fit people doing the workout are crying, sweating and begging to be shot in the knee cap. But in the end of the workout they always all go around and hug each other. Big S tried that with me and I just gagged and pushed him away from the stench.
Day 4 was Cardio Recovery, which was a lot of stretching and a few exercises. Yet, I still found myself sweating like the gross person I am. I’m like, huffing and puffing from doing yoga, attempting not to fall on the ground. I don’t know how those people always record themselves doing their workouts and post them on youtube. Mine would be straight up embarrassing.
Day 5 was Pure Cardio. I hate this one. I hate it so much. It’s only 40 minutes long, but 15 minutes of it is straight up cardio with no breaks. And I know you’re thinking 15 minutes isn’t much, but the exercises are like, suicide drills, switch kicks, stance jacks (BOO!), pedal (it’s like jogging in place and jumping lunges combined), hooks and jumprope, power jacks, level 2 drills (pushups and running pushups. BOOOOO), suicide jumps, and frog jumps (MAJOR BOOOO). I didn’t even name them all. But it’s all constant. No water breaks (except, like every single person in the video takes a water break at some point because otherwise you would probably die.), and no rests in between each set. And then its over though and you stretch and your done and my brain is trying to convince me, “That wasn’t so hard, huh?” and my body is like “False, brain. You’re an idiot.”
Day 6 was the Plyometric Cardio Circuit again. Not as bad this time as it was last time. I did however, make the mistake of eating pancakes before this workout. I would not recommend that. Pancakes just make me want to nap.
Then we had a day of rest. And instead of resting I went to the mall with some other moms and walked 4 miles with the kiddos. Yeah, that’s right. I went and walked the mall like an old person.
Day 8 was the Cardio Power and Resistance again. I took before and after pictures of Big S and I. We are just an absolute vision in both pictures. But in our defense, I had slept 3 hours the night prior and Big S had worked a 11 hour shift at work.