I said I wouldn’t let it happen.
But I lied.
And I was caught red handed.
And I didn’t even pretend to be ashamed.
That’s right, folks. I’m not even pretending to be healthy. I’m eating cake straight out of the container. And earlier that day, I had whipped cream right from the spray can. Directly in my mouth, because I’m a disgusting person. As my sister said “Pregnancy makes you weird.”.
Actually, this was an incredibly strategic move on my part. Note, I cut a sliver (and by sliver, I mean a hefty 3 inch piece) of cake and then ate it on the container, saving myself from doing more dishes. Then, I proceeded to breathe heavily and fake cough all over the cake so that no one else wanted to eat the rest. BRILLIANT, if you ask me. Now I have half a cake to enjoy without having to hide in the bathroom to eat it.
Then today, my sister made chocolate chip cookies today. And I was like, well, I’m pregnant. And pregnancy automatically entitles you to 4 cookies without shame. It’s an un-written rule (one day I’ll write these un-written rules down). But then I was like, well if I run, I can eat at least 7 more cookies per mile I run. So I ran 2 miles and ate 18 cookies, just to balance things out.
That’s how that works?
Big S said no, that’s how diabetes works.
All those cookies made me really want to eat an entire Bloomin’ Onion.
I’m sure most of you saw this, but I have to share again.
This is the face of the most handsome toddler to ever live. Ever.
If there was a cute baby of the world competition, he would win.
And I’m definately not biased. It’s just the truth.
Even with that awesome mullet he’s got going on, he still reigns supreme in cuteness.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Well, he’s probably dumb. Your child can’t be that cute AND smart.”
You’re always wrong.
My child is a genius.
Told you. Most 18 months old know between 10-20 words. Little S knows 34. Which makes him approximately, 5987264% smarter than everyone that ever lived.
Also, he’s a science, music, arts, and cooking prodigy.
And he may or may not have written the Declaration of Independence and the Theory of Relativity.
And I may or may not be exaggerating at all.
Typing all that made me burn enough calories for at least 3 more cookies, right?