Have you ever had a dream about someone you know doing something really awful to you, then you wake up and you’re mad at them for something they did in the thing that YOU dreamed up?
I dreamt that Big S was texting some girl telling her that she was cuter than me. And that I was gross when I was pregnant. And then he said he wanted to divorce me, because Baby B was making me fat.
And I cried.
Then I woke up and tried not to punch Big S for being so awful to me in my dream.
Then I remembered that he didn’t actually do any of those things.
But I still cried.
Because pregnancy makes me kind of crazy.
There’s so many things they don’t tell you about pregnancy when you first sign up for it. You’re all like, “Aww yay! I’m going to have a baby in 9 months!” But they don’t tell you about the sleeplessness, burping, haircuts, and mirrors. These are all things I think you should know before you get pregnant.
Sleeplessness. You’d think that growing a baby would make you exhausted all the time. And that the baby would want you to sleep. Well you’d be right about the exhaustion. But very, very wrong about the sleeping all the time. If I wake up in the middle of the night, that’s it. I’m up for the day. Even if that means I went to bed at 10 and was woken up at 1:30. Then you add the nausea to that, and it’s a awful combination.
I usually sleep on my belly. But when your belly starts sticking out farther and farther, it’s pretty much impossible to sleep comfortably on your stomach. Or on your back. Or on your side. Pretty much, you’re just uncomfortable all the time. Don’t even bother trying to sleep.
Never Trust a Burp. Ever. Even when you think you’re past the nausea. Or when you think it’s just heartburn. It probably isn’t. I actually have mistrusted a burp on multiple occasions, leading to a change of sheets, re-washing the dishes, and emptying the bath water and re-bathing Little S. I don’t know how I’m STILL having morning sickness. Or why I’m still trusting burps. You’d think after the first incident I would be careful.
After that shameful text to Big S…
Me: Uh, hey. I’m opening our new sheets.
Big S: Okay…..why?
Me: I kinda, like, barfed on your pillow…
Big S: WHY ON MY PILLOW?!
Because apparently Baby B has it out for her father already.
Don’t Workout Somewhere Where There are Mirrors. Or look at yourself run through neighbors windows. You will be thoroughly grossed out and end up running away even faster just to get away from your own reflection. Every time I feel good about myself running, I’m like “Aw yeah, check me out. Running at 19 weeks pregnant. I’m running so fast. And look so cute while I’m running. And everyone thinks I’m so awesome.” Then I check myself out in a car window I’m passing and suddenly I just want to stop and sob. And apologize to everyone on the road who has had to pass me and watch me run. And then hide in Little S’s stroller and make him push me, because honestly, my 16 month old pushing a grown pregnant woman in a stroller would probably look less ridiculous than me running at this point.