I started work on Tuesday. I’ve been really blessed to be able to stay home with little s until now. But in all honesty, I want to buy things. As frugal as I am with our grocery spending, I really just want to have the funds to buy a chocolate fountain or 18 Cheescake Factory cheesecakes every once in a while (Or everyday. Either/or). Maybe rent a limo to go to Target and buy all the things.
Is that so wrong?
So little s will be going to preschool 2 days a week. And I’ll be working 4 days a week. I keep reminding myself that it’s only 4 hours a day. And that little s needs to socialize. Because he’s kind of a dork. I mean, look at this:
Little s still has separation anxiety. Meaning yesterday when I took him to childcare so I could go to work meetings he screamed for 45 minutes straight. Screamed. Like someone told him Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was canceled and he’d never ever hear the Hot Dog song again. He was absolutely devastated.
When he was distracted with toys while I was still in there I told the person watching him I was going to head out while he wasn’t looking. As soon as those words came out of my mouth, he came running to me. Like he knew what I had just said.
“I’ll be back soon, baby”
“MAMA. MAHM!” he screamed into my knees.
“Baby, I love you, but I have to go.”
And I left. Then 45 minutes later someone was sent for me. He was still screaming. I’m a tiny bit convinced another kid whispered in his ear that his favorite blanket was set on fire, just to mess with him.
But it worries me he won’t get over this. That he’ll cry like this everyday he has preschool.
And middle school.
And high school.
I think he’ll be going off to his senior year still running up to me yelling “MAMA!” and plopping down on my lap and giving me hugs. And making me cry like an idiot, because he’s so sweet. I wonder if he’ll forever miss me when he goes to college. That maybe he won’t even go, and just stay home with big s and I forever. I love that he wants to be with us. And that he loves me so much it breaks his heart to see me go.
But then I realized, and this truly breaks my heart, he’s going to be OKAY.
He’ll be more than okay.
He’s going to love it.
And his teachers are going to love him.
In all his snotty, messy, rambunctious, loving, adorable ways.
What’s not to love?